Tribute to a friend

Jonathan

There's no way to say goodbye to someone who meant so much
Goodbyes are for those who are gone, and you are not:
Your family remembers your touch
Your friends the last time that you spoke
Your music still rings in their ears
Your smile an imprint in time.
There will be tears.
No thirst will they quench
The thirst for heaven has only grown
Now that it is your home.

Ruth and Esther: A Story of Mothers

Ruth and Esther were close friends. They met in Hawaii, and stayed in touch when they went their separate ways. Ruth settled down and was married. She was a very active, happy college student, but she settled into the life of wife and mother of two. Over the years, Ruth and Esther stayed close. They wrote often, and Esther likely heard all about Albert, John, and Marge. Sometime probably in her early 40s, Ruth contracted breast cancer. In the late 1950s early 60s, there was not the help for breast cancer that there is today. Unfortunately, Ruth passed away from her cancer and left behind four important people: Esther, Albert, John, and Marge. It is interesting to see these names all together, because ultimately perhaps you can guess what happened.

Ruth and Esther had been so close, writing all of the time.  Albert decided to continue what his wife had been doing, and Esther and Albert began writing. Esther was a woman full of energy. She received her nursing degree from Yale, wrote a book, was a freelance journalist in Germany after the second world war, and worked in Hawaii at a science museum, likely before Hawaii was a state! She was quite the doer, but one day, her life changed. 

She received a letter asking if she would marry “us”: Albert, John, and Marge. She said “yes”, and I gained a wonderful grandmother.

A Prayer for Mercy

While I was growing up, I often struggled with worry. I worried about a myriad of things. When I trusted Christ as my Savior, my senior year of high school, that is something that I think I saw change the most. I had been a "good" girl for the most part, but worry was the sin that beset me the most. When I trusted Christ, I did not stop worrying, but I think it definitely improved. I grew even more in this area when I was a sophmore at Maranatha Baptist Bible College and learned about God's grace and sovereignty. Why do I need to worry when God is in control? These were all good lessons.

Fast forward twelve years, and a lot has happened in my life. I finished my bachelor's degree and Master's degree at Bob Jones University, got married, and I have had two children. With these milestones, worry has attached itself to many areas of my life over the years. More recently it has been with the birth of our 2nd son who has a genetic abnormality called CHARGE syndrome. I find myself often being overly conscious of germs and less conscious of the sovereignty of God in this situation. I find myself worrying about his breathing being too noisy, too dry, or another worry that is similar.

We are getting ready to make a major move in our lives this weekend. My husband has been called to be the senior pastor at a church in New York. I will be his secretary and will be serving in other areas of the church as well as continuing to write for work and for fun when I have time. With this move and all of the business that goes with any move, I have found worry, like a leech, attaching itself to me, tempting me to be crabby, not as loving as I should, and most of all, showing that I am not trusting Christ.

Today, as I was watching our little one and worrying about various issues he was having today, I was afraid of the unknown, the what ifs, and I so I prayed. Too often we wait until that moment when we are overwhelmed to talk to the Lord, and too often I know that I just ask God to make everything okay. We talk to him like we would talk to the genie that came out of the lamp. We pray like we deserve it. Today, I prayed for mercy from the Lord to keep our family healthy. Mercy is something we do not deserve. None of us deserve what we have, but it is only by the mercy and grace of God that we have it. Thank the Lord for your health, and when things do not look good or you are concerned about the future, ask for mercy.

If you are interested in reading more about our journey with our newest little one, you can follow me at morethanastatisticforhim.blogspot.com.

No Hope and Without God in the World

On Sunday, I was listening to my husband teach, and something he said triggered some thoughts concerning how I often think and live as a Christian. I believe his comment was about the materialism that we often see in the world. The thought that it triggered in me is that so often I am no different than those who do not have hope or God in this world (Eph. 2:12).

Those who are unsaved who do not have a personal relationship with God, also do not have hope for the future in eternity. They might put all they have into their jobs or family, and everything they do might be for the end that they will have everything they want on their life's wishlist.

There is nothing wrong with having a wishlist. I make it a habit of putting many things on my Amazon wishlist. Many of them sit there for years, and soon, I remove them. Other items that I add, I end up purchasing. It is my way of window shopping without necessarily being impulsive.

Sometimes I do end up being too absorbed into all of the things out there, and when this consumes me too much, I am living as if I am without hope and without God in my life. When I live this way, I am living for the here and now.

There is nothing wrong with having nice things, but somehow, as in every part of a Christian's life, there needs to be that balance. It is okay to have Pinterest boards and Amazon wishlists as long as you also live a life with the end goal to glorify God in all that you do. Your home, the food you make, and so many other things can minister to others. There is a fine line.

If you are a Christian, you have been made alive in Christ. We no longer need to walk like the world in the flesh because by His grace we have been saved. We have been created to do good works that will glorify Him. Sometimes it is helpful to look at the place from where we came- that place of no hope and no God. But now because of the blood of Christ we can draw nigh to God and have hope in Him. (Eph 2:1-14)

We can enjoy the nice things that are around us, we can buy some of them and make our homes look nice. We can do all of this while living a life that points to God.

Eph 2:1	And you [hath he quickened], who were dead in trespasses and sins;
Eph 2:2	Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:
Eph 2:3	Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
Eph 2:4	But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
Eph 2:5	Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)
Eph 2:6	And hath raised [us] up together, and made [us] sit together in heavenly [places] in Christ Jesus:
Eph 2:7	That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in [his] kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.
Eph 2:8	For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: [it is] the gift of God:
Eph 2:9	Not of works, lest any man should boast.
Eph 2:10	For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
Eph 2:11	Wherefore remember, that ye [being] in time past Gentiles in the flesh, who are called Uncircumcision by that which is called the Circumcision in the flesh made by hands;
Eph 2:12	That at that time ye were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope, and without God in the world:
Eph 2:13	But now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were far off are made nigh by the blood of Christ. blueletterbible.org

Too Many to be of Value

Something that my parents and I have in common is our love for antiques. Now I used to be more of a collector than I am today. Today, I spend more time trying to sell my finds from the past. It is not as easy as it might seem when you originally make your find. If you try to sell directly to someone in retail, it is especially difficult. More often than not, they want to pay you little to nothing for something that you know to be of much more value. Today I brought over a medal from WWII. It was a Civil service medal. Everyone who ever fought in the war received one. The fact that it is from such an important time in history has no bearing on its value. The fact that everyone had one and that they are common was the determining factor in the piece being of no value to the collector.

As I drove home, I began to think of the significance of his statement concerning the medals being everywhere and of no value. It is often the way we think about many things of which there are large quantities. For those who have much wealth, money might be something that is not as valuable to them. A quarter on the side walk might be something that someone with millions would just step over and think to themselves that they will leave that for someone who needs it. There are many examples of things, people, jobs, etc that we take for granted and forget the true value of because we are used to it or have more than enough.

Everything in life has value. That Civil service medal may just be one of the millions that are lying around in various attics around the country, but for all we know, it could have been owned by a war hero who also earned a purple heart or medal of honor. Either way, every man who fought that war is a hero to some degree. A hero of sacrificing a portion of their lives for their country.

It is fun to collect antiques and sell them. It is fun to imagine who owned them. Sometimes it is discouraging when others do not see the value in what you have. We each have a story. Someday, someone might try to pawn off to an antique dealer something that we owned and treasured. Without the knowledge of who we are, it might just be another one in a million item of no value. It is sad, but it is okay because the most valuable things are not the things we leave behind. The value in life lies in our actions and motivation that are done for God and that will last through eternity.

Raising Baby T

I haven't written in this blog for quite a while since I started fromfears2fear.blogspot.com, but I thought this post fit better with this blog.

I was overwhelmed the other night as I caught up on facebook from being busy all day. I saw a post about a 31 year old friend of a friend who passed away in her sleep. There was a post about a 14 month old baby who was the child of someone I went to college with who passed away after he stopped breathing due to a heart condition that needed attention. Then there was a newborn who passed away who was born early. There have been even more in the past month, but these were within a couple of days!

I read them all, and just had to close my Kindle and go to bed. It hit me especially hard when I read about the 14 month old with the heart condition. It gave me a feeling of great responsibility. Raising any baby is important, but my baby had a heart condition and still does. For some reason, unknown to us, God chose to let them find it weeks before birth so that he would live.

I don't understand why God allowed us to have our baby T. He is such a precious gift just like the babies were who passed away. It is hard to understand why some live and some don't. I can't feel guilty about this, but I can take this precious gift that God chose to save, and raise him to the best of my ability.

Every miracle from his heart problem being detected to his ability to see even with optic nerve colobomas is a reminder that baby T is here for a reason.

Going Home

It's hard to believe that today was 6 weeks since Trenton's heart surgery, and tomorrow he is finally headed home. You might not believe me, but it really has flown by. In some ways it seems like we've been here forever, but at the same time it feels like I had him yesterday. There have been so many ups and downs in the last 6 weeks. The heart surgery was difficult, but the ups and downs after this and the feeling that we might not be able to handle our son's care were even harder. It is important to remember though that the opinions of man are just that- opinions. A doctor who was giving such a negative prognosis a few weeks ago, was almost jovial the other day as we talked about going home. We're so thankful that in those most difficult times we were not alone. Yes Ryan and I had each other and our parents, but even more than that we had our heavenly Father who assures us that He is sovereign and in control of our future and the future of our children. He helps us take one day at a time and look at Trenton with hope. When people ask if we're excited to go home, I can say that we are. I usually add an additional, "excited and nervous", but today as I was chatting with a social worker, she said, that they would be wondered about me if I wasn't nervous. Thinking about that now, maybe it would have been a good thing if I wasn't nervous and they did wonder about me. Maybe they would have better seen Christ in me. It's hard to say. My natural inclination is to fret and be anxious. The Lord has helped me so much during this time to not be that way. It is important as we go home that I apply the same attitude to this as to other situations. Tonight I told the Lord that I couldn't do this alone, and He clearly reminded me that I'm not- He's with me. I decided to write about it: You're Not Alone Sometimes when life seems overwhelming The strength within seems small; The world will tell you to believe in yourself, But that is no help at all. When you cry to the Lord for help, Tell Him you can't do it alone. He'll kindly remind you that He put you here, That He's been by your side all along.

Purpose

Sometimes I have found about myself is that I have a lot of vision. Sometimes it comes across to others perhaps as silly ideas or an indecisivenes, and in some ways they might be right. Sometimes the things I have dreamed of doing or being have stemmed from pride in wanting to accomplish something that is exciting. There is a place for vision, but along with vision it is wise to make sure you have an over-arching purpose in mind. Our general purpose in all we do should be to glorify God, so of course vision that stems from a pride in accomplishing something would not glorify Him. If you find that you have a prideful purpose in mind this does not mean that you should not consider doing the action. It means that you need to adjust your purpose to glorify God. You would think as I have gotten older and now have a family that some of that vision would go away, and in many ways it has, but in some ways God is making many of those visionary ideas apply to my life as it is. I have always loved the medical field and research. Although it was not how I necessarily wanted it, He has dropped this in my lap by giving me 2 miracles who needed medical attention at birth. With Trenton now it will likely be difficult, but thankfully the Lord already gave me that desire to work in medicine even though I have never been able to do it professionally. Art is another area that has been an area of vision for me, but I have often put it on the back-burner after times of really getting into it. Having a child in the hospital has been a good time to get out my sketch pad and pen and start using my God-given ability. When we found out that Trenton may not be able to see it convicted me of the need for me to use this gift that I've been given with the use of my eyes. I admit there is a lot of pride that goes into being an artist. That does not mean I should not do it though. It just means I need to let the Lord adjust my purpose to glorify Him in it. Writing a book has always been a desire. I think some of the desire stems from a romanticized idea of writers. I have always thought that being able to work from home as a writer would be fun and you could make money in the process. My desire with this has not always had the right focus, but once again there is nothing wrong with vision as long as the purpose is in the right place. I did write a book at one point that I thought would help others. It was not published, but I hope it was an encouragment to those who read it. When I wrote it, I was dating someone who told me that maybe I needed to wait to write until I had more life-experiences. At the time, this hurt my pride, but today I see that although there was a place for what I wrote at that time, I cannot imagine all of the things ahead of me in my future that God will use to help others that He may perhaps allow me to write about. There are other areas of vision that I still do not know why I have the desire, but in time perhaps God will allow my husband and I to see. Right now my responsibility is to my family. I have 2 little boys who need me to do as Proverbs 22:6 says to train my children in the way they should go and they will not move away from it. I had always thought this was a guarantee that your children would turn out godly if that is how you trained them. It confused me some because so many Christian parents have kids that do not necessarily follow the way they were brought up. In college I learned that it could actually be talking about helping children have direction and purpose in what they will do with their life. With a primary focus to glorify God, it is okay for parents to see gifts that God has given their children and encourage them in it. It could be musical talent, artistic talent, an outgoing spirit, an abiltity to work well with their hands, the ability to encourage, or help the hurting, etc. So many of these translate into careers that can be used to glorify God. As parents, sometimes we will be able to see what our children cannot. It is important to not have goals for our children that are what we desire for them, rather our goals for them should be to encourage them to glorify God in an area where there is ability that God has given. We sometimes have the incorrect notion that "full-time ministry" as a pastor or missionary are superior to other careers. It is important to teach our children that they are in "full-time ministry" every day of their life no matter what their career as long as their purpose is to glorify God in all they do.

By God's Grace

The last time I wrote a blog entry, we had just received some news from my 32 week ultrasound that was unsettling. The tech had noticed enlarged ventricles in the brain as well as some other issues that we did not find out about until later. We were anxious and frightened at what this might mean for our new baby, but after prayer and reading God's Word, the Lord helped me to remember that I do not need to be anxious about anything. We went to a larger facility for more testing the next week, and the doctors told us those concerns that the tech had noticed were not really something they were too concerned about. They were concerned however about our baby's heart. This was very unexpected, but the Lord gave us a great amount of peace. We visited a pediatric cardiologist who said he believed our baby had a narrowed aorta. He explained what would happen if this was the case when our baby was born, and once again the Lord gave us peace. It was difficult over the next few weeks to go to one or more ultrasounds a week and have them check those earlier issues over and over. Sometimes it was easy to grow anxious and lose focus again, but the Lord continually reminded us that He is in control. The weeks finally passed, and I had my C-section on May 3rd. our baby Trenton came out looking healthy. We were able to hold him, and then he was taken for testing. When they checked his heart they found that he did have a narrow aorta. It was not the normal simple narrowing however. His was so narrow it was only allowing a small trickle of blood through.Because of this, the doctors had to change their plan and go in through his chest and actually replace a portion of the aorta. The aorta takes blood to the rest of the body. Because of this condition, if they had not known he had this problem and started him on medication right away, he would have died. It is sobering and encouraging to know this. God has been in full control of the situation from the start. He knew what would happen all along. He knew that when Braydon was born early due to low fluid that the situation back then would cause the doctors during this pregnancy to do an extra ultrasound at 32 weeks. He knew that He could test our faith and give us peace with those simpler issues at that point so that the heart issue would not be so difficult to handle. He knew that Trenton needed that medication immediately in order to live. This gives us the assurance and encouragement that God has a plan for this situation whether it is to do something great through Trenton or to teach us what we need to learn at this point in our lives. We have known God's sovereignty first-hand in this situation. Though it is difficult to see our little baby going through the healing process after surgery. We can look at him and be thankful that he is with us because it is only by God's grace that he is.

I Know, I Know

Although all may not want to admit it, every Christian goes through times where they struggle with trusting the Lord and His promises. It seems like I go through this much more than I would like as I would like to never struggle in this way. I find that the main reason why I struggle in almost any spiritual area of my life is because of the way I am thinking and not thinking.

So often I overthink. Overthinking so often leads to anxiety which in Philippians 4 we are commanded to not give in to. We are specifically told how to think in that passage, and I find that when I set my mind to think of the list that God gave Paul to give to us, that anxiety will go away. It tries to creep back in because that is a part of our sinful nature. I especially find that the first item on the list is the most important for me. "Whatsoever things are true." If I am thinking about the "what ifs" of life, these are not true, but they tend to get me down the most.

Not thinking is another error. So often if I would only think about what God has done in the past, the things that are presently causing anxiety would seem to be worthless thoughts.

Surrendering our anxieties to the Lord through prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving will give us the peace that only God can give. These words were running through my mind tonight:

"I know, I know that life He giveth,
That grace and pow'r are in His hand."

Just 6 Things a Day

It's been a while since I have written on this blog, but after doing some recent reading, I wanted to share an idea. I am in the process of reading 31 Days to Clean. It has some good ideas, and one of them was actually not original to the author, but is a great help. It is a 6 things list. You can work it however you like, but when I first started doing it I wrote down 6 things to get done during the day and I would cross them off. Just having the list be 6 things makes it less intimidating then listing everything that has to be done by the end of the week, and it helps you get things done. You really should do the list the night before or you will already be behind when you wake up. Today I decided to make my 6 things list a little more set in stone but flexible at the same time.It shows Saturday as a day off, but really my day off will depend on the day my husband has off at work. I hope this helps others who struggle with being organized with a cleaning schedule as I do. Here's what I came up with:

Just 6 Things a Day

Monday-
1. Articles for the day
2. Dishes/Sweep kitchen
3. Laundry
4. Vacuum downstairs/water plants
5. Dust downstairs
6. Organize kitchen

Tuesday-
1. Articles for the day
2. Dishes
3. Laundry
4. Clean Bathroom (wash rug)
5. Sweep and mop kitchen and bathroom floors
6. Organize living room

Wednesday-
1. Articles for the day
2. Dishes/Sweep Kitchen
3. Laundry
4. Clean and organize bedrooms (wash sheets)
5. Vacuum upstairs
6. Dust bedrooms

Thursday-
1. Articles for the day
2. Dishes/Sweep Kitchen
3. Laundry
4. Clean and organize living room/water plants
5. Vacuum and dust living room
6. Do something creative

Friday-
1. Articles for the day
2. Dishes/Sweep Kitchen
3. Kid’s Laundry/organize kid’s drawers
4. Vacuum furniture
5. Shred
6. Downsize unused items

Saturday- variable day off
Sunday- rest

If Eyes Could See

If eyes could see the Prince of Peace
That day of humble birth,
If eyes could see His Mother’s face
Holding Him, Child of Grace,
If eyes cold see Him heal the blind
And set the pris’ner free
Their eyes would surely see the Lord -
That like Him they should be

If eyes could see the Love of Christ,
So often left untold
If eyes could see His nail-pierced hands,
His riven side outpoured
If eyes could see His majesty -
The Son of God, my friend
Their eyes would surely see the Truth
Their knees before Him bend

If eyes could see the Risen Lord,
Who triumphed over death
If eyes could see Him glorified,
Walking that rugged path
If eyes could see His outstretched hands
To friends who doubt His love
Their eyes would surely see the life
They should live for Christ above

We are the eyes of the people
The eyes of blinded man
It should be our life’s ambition
To show them His great Plan.
We are the eyes of the people,
Of souls who need to see.
His Sacrifice put forth for them-
When He died on the tree

Thoughts Over Leftover Mac 'n Cheese

There are many thoughts that come to mind with the word "leftovers." To some people it has a negative connotation to others it is a positive one. To the poor man who digs through the trash, leftovers, are life. To a rich man who visits his poor family members and they serve him leftover mac 'n cheese, leftovers, are cheap. To me, someone who thinks leftover pizza is one of the best comfort foods, leftovers are delicious.

There are many ways the word leftover can be used. Maybe you're always the last one chosen when they are picking teams for volleyball, or you are the last one in your class to get asked to homecoming. Sometimes we can feel like the leftovers in a negative sense if we look at ourselves through the eyes of others.

It is easy to let the opinions of others dictate who we are. Remember that what really matters is who you are in the sight of God. If you have accepted Christ's gift of salvation, then you are His child, and when He looks at you, He does not see leftovers. He sees the righteousness of His Son, and He sees your weaknesses as strengths.

So, next time you eat leftover mac 'n cheese, take a moment to consider who you are in the sight of God.

Listening Inside the Box- A Short Story

“I don’t really remember when it started, but I know it was out of my control. One day I was sitting with my mom playing, and the next I couldn’t take my eyes off the pattern of the ball in my hands. Mom kept trying so hard to take that ball away, but all I could see were the bright swirling colors, and I kept following them. I think for a while she figured I had just become attached to it like any other child with a toy. But then one day I saw something I had never seen in mom- fear. She kept calling my name and talked frantically to me.”
“Chase, Chase! Mommy’s talking to you! Why don’t you look at me anymore! Give me that silly ball, and look at me!”
“I remember I just started crying uncontrollably. That’s when I saw that fear cross her face. It was as if she knew I was gone, but I really wasn’t. I was there all along. I understood their dilemma. It was impossible for me to communicate what I was thinking. I tried so hard, but in the process I hurt myself and broke things.”
“I loved spending time with my mom and dad. I could see they loved me and wanted me to be there. They taught me the alphabet, and they read to me every day. I know those books from memory now. And I read them even though they didn’t know it. They would be so surprised if they knew how much they had taught me. I saw the sadness in their eyes when I didn’t respond to them.”
“I remember the first time they took me to a doctor to be checked out. I was playing in a room, but I could just tell they were watching me. It made me nervous, and I started to cry. It scared me. I wondered what they were going to do. If only I could explain that I just was stuck inside of myself. We met with the doctor after he had observed me for a time. I sat in the corner examining the ball that I carried with me everywhere I went. I could hear their concerned voices. They didn’t whisper.”
“After observing Chase’s behavior today, I’m almost certain he is autistic.”
“I heard the gasp from my mom and the sad groan from my dad. It was almost like they had been told their son was dying. Perhaps in their mind, I was. They began discussing what to do with me. My parents said they wanted to care for me themselves. I was relieved. I couldn’t imagine at the time what else they would have done with me. Since then, I know that there are places for kids like me. At that time, I wasn’t really sure what autism was. I was only four years old. I knew it had something to do with this silly ball I carried with me. I just couldn’t let go of it though. I really wanted to. I wanted to run and hug my mom and dad and tell them I was really okay, but something was wrong.”
“Not much changed after that first meeting. The one change was that my mom was always reading about autism and talking about it with my dad. They had special activities for me to do. They may have helped, but all that time I just wanted to talk to them and tell them I was really okay. They didn’t need to worry. I knew my alphabet. I could count to fifty, and I could even read some of my books. I was six when I first put the letters together the way mom did when she would read. I just wish she had known.”
“As I got older, I know it became harder for my parents in some ways. All of their friend’s kids played sports and were in special plays. And there I was carrying around that silly ball. Some days I wished they would just burn it. I think I would have been fine eventually if they had. I probably would have just replaced it though with some other repetitive design.”
“When I was fifteen, my mom had a break through. She was watching me sitting following the design of the ball, and jumped to her feet.”
“That’s it!” she said “I wonder if art would help. You love that design on the ball. Maybe if you could make your own it would help!”
“I wasn’t sure what to think I thought I knew what art was. They had taken me to an art museum, and I loved to stare at the beautiful paintings. They seemed to almost sing as I followed the colors, and as I absorbed the beauty I could almost taste it. I wondered what she meant that maybe I could make my own.”
“The next thing I knew she had a pad of paper and some colored pencils. She had tried to teach me to write in the past, but my fingers just didn’t seem to work, so she stopped making me try. This time she put the paper in front of me with the pencils and said I could make whatever I wanted. Of course I started with the ball I carried everywhere. I worked for hours on that picture. It was perfect. The colors, the designs, the shapes were the exact image of that ball. The funny thing was that I was no longer following those designs with my eyes. I was creating something of my own. I think that was a turning point for me.”
“I still remember her reaction when I finished drawing the ball.”
“Chase, it’s beautiful!” “She hugged me and I jerked away. I didn’t want to, but it almost hurt to be hugged even though I loved my mom. She didn’t seem to mind though and just couldn’t take her eyes off my drawing.”
“From that point, she would bring me things to draw, and I would draw them perfectly. I loved to draw. Amazingly, I forgot about the ball I used to carry around. Now I carried my sketch pad and pencils. Then one day, something even more wonderful happened. My mom wanted me to draw her. Everything else I had drawn had been objects that I or someone in the house used every day, but this was my mom who I loved more than she knew. She sat down in front of me, and I began. I saw pain in my mother’s eyes. I knew the pain was because of me. I wanted to draw her how she really looked because that’s what I did, but this was my mother. I wanted to draw her how she would be if it had not been for the pain I had caused her. I took away the frown wrinkles and downward creases around her mouth. I put a twinkle in her eye, and then I looked up at her and smiled.”
“Age and sadness dropped from my mom’s face in that instant. I spoke. It wasn’t with words, but it was with my smile. Not only did that smile speak, but so did my drawing. It spoke my love for my mom. She started to cry then and wouldn’t stop hugging me. It didn’t hurt like before. Something had happened. I think that’s when I broke out of the box.”
The man sitting politely across from Chase had not spoken for an hour. He had just let him speak. Now his expression was dumbfounded at how Chase’s story had unfolded, but he couldn’t help but speak now. “This is an amazing story Chase. So did you literally talk to your mom that day?” The man seemed to be sitting on the edge of his seat in anticipation of the conclusion to Chase’s story.
“I didn’t speak right away. But I started using drawing to communicate. I drew my dad too just like I had my mom. It meant so much to him. I drew a football from memory because I wanted to learn to play. He went right out and bought a ball for me. It wasn’t long before things began to normalize. I was communicating with my art. Something was missing though. I knew what it was, but it had been so long. I wanted to talk to my parents. I wanted to tell them so much.”
“On my eighteenth birthday, my parents had a big party for me with friends and family. People knew I had made some progress. They had heard about how I was using art to communicate. We were all sitting in the living room talking, and this rather outspoken man spoke to my mom, ‘You’d think you would have thought of having him draw sooner. Maybe you wouldn’t have been so unhappy all these years.’ I saw the sadness return to my mom’s eyes at that moment, and for the first time I was angry at someone outwardly. I was really angry, and I started talking in a hoarse raspy voice. I looked at my parents and told them I loved them, and that I wouldn’t trade the time just listening to them for anything. I knew them better than most children know their parents. I looked at the man triumphantly with that last comment. His own son was my age. He had been a football star, but he had gotten caught taking drugs and was dropped from the team. I couldn’t help but wander back to my box for a moment and think ‘what if?’ I walked right out of the box again because it was time. It was time to not just listen, but it was my time to speak.”
The television studio filled with applause as Chase finished speaking. The anchorman sitting across from Chase was speechless. Chase had shared his life in an hour of television, but in the time he spent in his little box, he had learned so much more than those watching him. For he had spent his life so far, listening.

To Fear

I'm writing this specifically for those who are in the middle of fearful circumstances. I know some of my readers are from Japan. This is for you as well as those who fear what you have gone through.

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and love, and of a sound mind." II Timothy 1:7

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Isaiah 41:10

"Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

"There is no fear in love (dread does not exist), but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and (so) he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love (is not yet grown into love's complete perfection)." Amplified version I John 4:18

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

Write your story

Ever wonder why the world and perhaps yourself included are fascinated with fictional stories? Perhaps sometimes it is because we are not living the dangerous adventurous life that we see on tv or in books, and maybe we would not want to, but it's fun to experience it without the danger. Other times, maybe we need to escape and get a break from "the real world." The lives we live can be hard, and every day does not have a happy ending. The great thing about life as a Christian is that every morning is a new beginning where God's mercy is new and fresh. Our lives may not contain all the breath-taking events that a movie character might face, but our lives are each great in their own way. Have you ever considered what your own life would be like written in a book? I think no matter who we are, we all have a story that is interesting. You may think you live the dullest life of anyone on earth, but in reality you have a story worth telling. Think about the ins and outs of your childhood, teen years, and into adulthood. The day to day things we encounter are worth writing down, and someday they will be worth reading. Don't be afraid to write your story.

Looking Back

Looking back is not always a good thing. In many cases though, it can be very beneficial. This is the beginning of what we call a new year. In God's eyes, it's simply another step, but to us, it is a new beginning. It's a point that we can use to look ahead or to look back.

Last year was one full of new experiences for me. I taught junior high and high school, I had a baby, I got a colonoscopy, and I moved to Maine. Each item in this list had some significance or it would not have stayed in my memory.

I mention teaching high school. Education was my major in college, but through teaching, I found that my love is in the preparation not the actual teaching. I love sitting at my desk preparing tests and quizzes. I love to research, but I don't love to teach.

If you have followed my blog, you'll remember the birth of our son Braydon. He was born a year ago this Sunday. Time has gone by so quickly. Those days when he was first born did not. It seemed he would be in the hospital forever. I remember being fearful because there was a couple of older babies in the hospital with Braydon. It made me wonder if he would be there that long. That experience was not really bad though. We had a place to stay near him, I recovered from my C-section, and I learned how to take care of him. In retrospect, it was a profitable experience.

About 7 weeks after I had Braydon I started getting terrible abdominal cramping along with other issues that went with it. It was terrible. I really thought I might have cancer or be dying. I thought it could be what I was eating, but the colonoscopy was clear. So what could it be? The doctor threw the term "digestive functioning disorder" at me, which is basically what IBS is. Food did not really affect me though unless I ate too much of chocolate or sweets. We traveled to see family and in Michigan it got worse. Then we went to a cabin for a vacation where we couldn't drink the water. We drank only bottled. Amazingly, my symptoms cleared in a day or two. The Lord revealed to us that my body can't handle chlorinated water. I can't drink it and I can't shower in it. Since then I found in research that chlorinated water is a irritant of IBS.

At the end of last summer, the Lord led us to move to Maine where my husband is assistant pastor and a pharmacy technician. I am a stay at home mom. I have to say I think it takes more discipline to not work then to work all day. I find myself wasting way too much time. I do well with having goals and projects to accomplish. One thing I did since we moved here was go back and read old journals I wrote over the past ten years or so. Reading those journals was so influential for my Christian life.

As I look back on last year, I see failures, and triumphs. The good thing is that God does not really go by years like we do. His mercies are new every morning, and he is faithful every day.

It is Profitable

Many of us have gone through the struggle of needing to lose weight. What makes us desire to be thinner than we are? When we were young perhaps it was to be attractive for the boy we liked. Then we got married to that boy, and we have him, it gets a little harder to have incentive once you are committed to each other. Your husband certainly wouldn't mind your losing weight if you need it, but for us itjust seems a little harder. There is still the desire to look nice for ourselves, but more than looking nice for your husband or yourself, is that your body is fit for God. This is not vanity.

Many have claimed the verse in I Timothy 4:8 as an excuse not to exercise. It says in the KJV, "For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come." This verse made me wonder, so I looked up the Greek on blueletterbible.org. When I looked up the word "little" in the verse I had a suprise. The word little there in the Greek actually is transliterated pros. It is a strengthened for of the word that means before. The word here actually means "to the advantage of", "at, near, by", "to, towards, with, with regard to". So what does this really mean? It doesn't mean that exercise is not profitable. The ESV, which is a very literal translation of the Greek says this, "for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come." It has a entirely different meaning. Basically we could say that bodily exercise is advantageous, but of course godliness is even more important. God was not saying that we should not exercise by having this verse in the Bible. That is not the context of the passage. Godliness is the context of the passage.

So now our excuse is gone that exercise is not biblical. We know it is because I Corinthians 6:19 says, "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost [which is] in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?" It is our duty to care for our body, so that we can live and serve the Lord. Exercise is not vanity. Exercise can lead us to be more like Christ.

I really struggle with wanting to exercise. I want to be fit, but I like to sit. When I do exercise, though, I never regret it. I almost always feel better after doing so. So what can be my incentive to exercise? Exercise because you want to please your husband and yourself, but most of all because your body is God's dwellingplace. We are His vessel. What is our present condition keeping us from doing for him?

For me lately, though I do not enjoy it all that much, exercise has not been my issue most of the time. Eating is always an issue for me. In a past blog I talked about my possible "eating disorder." It wasn't anorexia and it wasn't necessarily bulemia. It was a food addiction, but it was really sin. I had to eat when I wanted to eat, and I ate in fairly large portions. Right now that is no longer my struggle. Right now, my failure is in snacking. I love to bake goodies in the fall. There's no harm there as long as you don't plan on eating it all. I tend to just over due it on the sweets. Yes, you could call it a sweet tooth, but really, it's a lack of discipline on my part. It's really the one reason I haven't reached my weight/size goal. Some scoff when I say I'm trying to trim down because I don't really look overweight. We all know our bodies though, and I know that I'm a little overweight. Meeting my goal though should not be my only reason for eating right. Once again it goes back to pleasing God with the way we take care of ourselves. Changing eating habits can be a difficult thing to overcome. I think sometimes we think too hard about it. Instead, we should just "stop it!" as Bob Newhart so aptly said in one of his episodes. It sounds silly and simple, but it really is biblical. The Bible tells us to "stop it" all the time, but we like to complicate it and make it into a huge ordeal. All it really takes is setting your mind to stopping a certain habit and committing that habit to Him. I know sometimes when things are chemically influenced such as smoking and drinking it would be more difficult. Sugar is a very addictive food, and could almost be put in that chemical category. It may be a little harder to cut back, but it is possible. When it comes to eating right, it takes stopping the way you're eating, and turning in a new direction. It is hard. It takes tons of self-control, but with God's help, you can do it. I have gone through times where I confessed my eating sugar as sin because I saw what it did to me. I know a girl who confessed her weight as sin, and proceeded to lose eighty pounds in a few months. That may sound drastic, but I believe God helped her accomplish that goal. That girl has been an example and has often put me to shame with her dedication in this area.

I started by talking about weight, but if we really think about this, weight is not even the issue. You could be skinny as a rail and be very unhealthy because you pig out on fries and burgers every week, but you have a high metabolism. This is still wrong. This issue is that we all need to be keeping the temple of the Holy Ghost healthy for Him.

I hope this has been a helpful blog post. I hope it will help me to endeavor to eat more healthy foods when I eat. Please feel free to comment with your own thoughts on this matter.

Titus 2

In Titus 2 we find a biblical chain of command. God told Paul to write Titus a letter telling him to preach sound doctrine to the people. Then he gave the specifics as to what that sound doctrine would be. He speaks to the aged men, the aged women, the young women, the young men, and the servants.

Let me zero in on verses 4-5 which is speaking to the aged women and how they should teach the young women certain things. You may be a young woman who says that no older lady has ever taught you the things mentioned in this passage. If that is the case, you still have no excuse because we have it written right in God's Word.

Verse two says that young women should be sober, loving to their husband, children, discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, and obedient to their own husbands.

First, he says young women should be sober. Now this not talking about not being under the influence of alcohol. The word here has the idea of being controlled or disciplined. This is a difficult thing for young women. It is so easy to fall into a lack of control over our emotions, our tongue, and even our diet. As young women, we need to be living disciplined lives for Christ.

Second, the verse says young women are to be taught to love their husbands. This type of love is actually a friendship type. Sometimes as a wife perhaps it is easy to get caught up in the daily grind and forget to be your husband's best friend.

Third, the young women are to be taught to love their children. Some would haughtily say, "why do you need to be taught this? It's so natural!" I'm sorry to say, at 3:00am it is not my natural tendency to love the child who is screaming. It is often a struggle to love your children when they are fussy or even sinful. The word here is once again that friendship type of love. We love our children because they are our children, but perhaps we need to learn to "like" them at times.

Fourth, the young women are to be taught to be discreet. Discretion is something that is lacking so much among the young women of the world. Unfortunately, it creeps into Christian schools and homes through teens influenced by television and unsaved friends. Even young adult women can be found lacking in discretion. This can be seen in a low cut top or a flirty way of speech to a married man or even an unmarried man. In the Greek it has the idea of having a good head on your shoulders or of once again being controlled. As young women, we need to pray for discretion or good judgment in our speech, attitudes, and actions.

Fifth, the young women are to be taught to be chaste. Chaste is an older word that actually means to be pure. Whether you are married or not, you must be pure in your thoughts, attitudes, speech, and actions. Sometimes as married women, we might think we have a license to speak of things that should not be spoken of or even to dress however we like. Modesty is a large part of being chaste. The fashions today make it difficult to be modest, but all it takes is a little undershirt or tank top to help a fellow brother avoid sinning and to keep you from sinning as well.

Sixth, the young women are to be taught to be keepers at home. Many of us women get ideas as to ways we could make a difference in society by putting our name on the world. The verse tells us that it is more important to put our touch on our home and family.

Seventh, the young women are to be taught to be good. This is a pretty broad term in our English language. Even in the Greek it really does mean "good." It has the idea of being happy and good-natured. As women it's easy to let our emotions get the better of us, and in doing so our joy seems to be extinguished with the tears of our own sorrows. Though it is difficult, we need to remember that Christ is all we need, and no matter what happens, we can be happy.

Eighth, the young women are to be taught to be obedient to their own husbands. For some, this may be the most difficult of the eight. Many of us were fairly independent and strong-willed when we got married. And sometimes we might not think what our husband wants is the best decision, but God commands us to obey. And because he commands us to obey, when we do, He will bless us. By being obedient to our husbands we are putting ourselves below them. Marriage is a picture of Christ's relationship to the church. The church is under Christ. We must be under our husbands, and let God do the rest.

We can learn many things from Titus 2:4-5. How many of us are really obedient to these verses. Perhaps you have never been taught this until now. Well, now you have a task ahead of you. If you've known this, but never really applied it to yourself, now is the time. I know many of these areas are a struggle for me. May the Lord help us daily to be like the young woman of Titus 2.

The Peace of God

I was contemplating recently how many religions focus on producing an inner peace in themselves. People will follow one of these religions where they learn to focus their mind and meditate on peaceful things, so that they might be peaceful. I don't have a problem with Yoga for exercise, but many people do this in hopes of having peace. As I thought on this, I realized the difference between Christianity and these other religions. They have to contrive this peace within themselves by doing exercises and meditating. As Christians, we have peace with God through Christ's death on the cross and our forgiveness of sins. In Philippians 4 it says to be anxious for nothing, but instead that we should pray. The end result of our focus on Christ is that the peace of God that is beyond our understanding will fill us. It's nothing we do, it's what we don't do. It's when we leave our lives in His hands and thank him for what He is going to do that our hearts and minds will be at peace.